KinoMikato

Sure feels nice being the most useless person on earth... Someone you care about comes to you for help or wants to vent... Normally you shut up and listen... Guess how stupid I am... You guessed it... I'm stupid... I'm the dumbest person in the entirety of existence... Now they are mad at me or upset to the point where they probably won't talk to me anymore... Or at least for a while. *sighs* I should just give up. I want to be... the best I can be for them... but end up just hurting them...

I have been trying to deal with this... I can't sleep... I lie awake at night crying. I try my hardest to just sleep through the pain and loneliness of being alone... Knowing there is nothing I can do about my situation... Knowing that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life, with no one to say "I love you" when I need it and when I don't... My heart is so heavy in the morning everyday I can't even get out of bed most of the time. It weighs me down to the point where it hurts to move. I just cry... And wish either I would just die... Or... Someone would break the silence... And tell me what I need or want to hear... But it never come

I have friends... But they don't really want me... They want someone who can be there for them without being there for me... When I need them they are scarce... I lose friends faster then I made them... I feel alone... I've been on antidepressants for almost a month now and I hate how I feel... I cry far too oftem but I'm smiling a fake smile made by the stupid drugs... I don't feel happy... I feel withdrawn... I feel alone... I miss the person I care about... But I doubt they don't miss me... Why would anyone want to miss me... I feel like I'm not worth the effort... I want to give up on myself... I want to drop off the face of the earth...